too tired to care, too far gone to cry


quoque defessus ut tutela , quoque recedentia absentis flere

Well not really obviously..... but thats what I used to say when it was suggested that I wear something revealing, Whether it be short skirts, tight tops or tight jeans etc. Well today is an amazingly huge day for me, as I am going to go and buy my very first EVER bikini today. I'm looking forward to house sitting for an amazing friend, and its only 5 minutes walk to the beach!  so I intend to spend lots of time building sand castles, reading whilst listening to the sea and relaxing.....something I have needed for a very long time.


Now to some of you people out there, this wouldnt constitute a momentous day for you, but for me its Epic! This time last year, I was wearing size 26-28 clothing, (yeah I was mahoosive I know) and now after loosing 129lb..... I am now a size 10-12. so yeah for me this is pretty damn momentous lol.

Just hope I find the right one, as this one needs to be a bit special lol .... wish me luck lol


Sending so very much love and light to you all

xxx

feeling like i am trapped in a gilded cage at the minute. due to start work at the end of the week. though that wont help me much as minimum of the first 2 weeks wages are to be used on money i owe on bills and hugh. what i am finding it hard to understand is that when i was working 7 days a week to get us through, my money became house money and i didnt ask for it back, now its the other way, i am to pay it back ( which i dont mind at all) just kinda makes me think a little

i am taking time out to try and sort out what i am feeling, this last curve ball has made me realise i need to step back and re-evaluate everything. so much is hurting right now, dont know which is up as everything is coming at me from all sides now. hormones arent helping either, have managed to curl all the baby rage and pain into a dark twisting ball, and am jjust about able to lock it deep inside, but to be truthful, this may be the last straw that broke the camels back. so now am retreating back into myself to heal before i let anyone in anywhere near me, hope you can understand, its nothing personal to my family and friends, i just need to try and contain this until i can safely let it all out once DK is back, if the kind offer is still open, as i'm feeling myself sinking into a dark place that i dont particularly want to be.

so .........sod feelings, they just hurt

this is me signing off.

Tired of pain, tired of grieving, tired of feeling, tired of not sleeping, tired of aching, tired of worrying, tired of being used, tired of politics, just too tired........ i quit






(for a while atleast)

just to send huge birthday wishes to a special lady.

happy birthday Gemma xx

Dangerously fucking angry right now...

i got the job!!!!! *does a happy little dance*

GRRR!

my favourite creature would have to be that rarest of creatures, the wonderfully puurrrrrfect madkat